A lot has happened in the year since you have passed. (I still can't write that without crying...) First and foremost, I feel like a ship that has lost its rudder. I frequently long to call you, only to reminded that you are gone. Jill is having difficulty coming to terms with your passing. I don't know how to help her and it kills me to see my sister still in so much pain.
If your death weren't bad enough, Dad passed three weeks after you from a heart attack. Boy did that send us for a loop. I know that you and he have been divorced for over 30 years, but I think that when you lost your battle with pancreatic cancer, it really affected him.
I remember the last time I saw you. We were are Disney last year. When we hugged and kissed good-bye, I knew in my heart that it was the last time I would see you. We all cried for awhile after you left, and the magic of Disney seemed a muted grey to me. Although I was so happy to be able to give you that time in a place that you loved so much, I was not able to go back there this year. It was the first time in 17 years we did not go Disney. I knew it would be too painful to not being there with you. We have since scheduled a trip for next May, and I am all ready a little anxious about going back, but I know that you will be with me.
As bad as it was saying good-bye, it was nothing compared to the day you died just a short time later. Jill called me to say that I needed to call you because you were going down hill fast. You were not able to speak to me but I was assured by Jim that you could hear me. I tried to be brave, but I couldn't help but cry the entire time I talked to you. I am glad that I got to tell you I loved you one more time, but I hope my sadness didn't cause you anymore distress or pain. Even writing this brings back those memories and I still can't help crying. You died that day after I talked to you. Jill and Jim were with you when you passed.
You were certainly an inspiration to me and everyone with how you faced your cancer. You never once complained and didn't let it define you. You were the definition of grace and bravery. If I handled something like that 1/2 as well as you, I would count myself lucky. You were always my hero and these last couple of years were no exception.
Kyleigh frequently says to me how much she misses you. You were her special grandmother...she still talks about how you and she ran down the halls of the Animal Kingdom Lodge at Disney, pretending to be gazelles. I can't help but smile at that memory.
There is so much more I want to say, but I can't find the words through my tears. You may be gone, but you will never leave our hearts. I love you mom, and always will.
12/3/44 - 11/11/12 - Never forgotten, always loved...
No comments:
Post a Comment