You have the right to remain silent...

Those are words that most people never want to hear, especially skinny 19 year old kids. Yet sadly, that's exactly what happened to me many years ago. Now don't go thinking that my misspent youth was a life of crime. It wasn't!!

It all happened innocently enough one Friday night. As was typical back then, my friends and I had plans to go cruising around. Since I didn't own a car myself, a friend of mine arrived to pick me up. In the car was John, the driver and one of my other friends, Tom.We really didn't have any plans that night, other than just to ride around town, looking for something to do. An all too common occurrence.

For some strange reason, Tom brought a squirt gun with him. Now, this was not your typical brightly colored Super Soaker. Noooo, this was a life-sized, hand painted .357 magnum water gun. It should be noted that the gun was originally florescent blue, but through the considerable artistic talent of Tom, was transformed into something less innocent looking. I'll admit, it WAS cool. Why did we have that with us on that fateful night is anyone's guess. I chalk it up to being 19. Kids just do dumb things!

In the 1980s it was very easy for underage kids to get alcohol. After picking me up, we headed to one of the many Portuguese Convenience stores that dotted the landscape in Taunton, Massachusetts. We chose this particular store because we had always had success in buying beer there. Lets just say that they were a little lax in checking IDs. Tonight was no different, as Tom came out with a six pack of Bud Tall Boys! As you can tell from the quantity of beer, we certainly had no plans to get drunk.

Soon after our purchase we found ourselves on a highway out of town. None of the beer had been consumed at this point. Suddenly, there was a car aggressively tailgating us. Now, if you are from Massachusetts, you grow used to tailgaters, but this one was different.

As a joke, I picked up the squirt gun, held it to the head of driver of my car, and said something like, "This is a carjacking. Lose this turkey behind us!" At which point John stomped on the gas pedal of his beat up 1964 Mustang.

With mild acceleration, we began to pull away from the tailgating car, and headed down the highway towards adventure. We just didn't realize how true that was. After a brief amount of time, the offending car sped by us at an excessive rate speed. Immediately, there were the Blue Lights of 3 Police cars in our rear view mirror.

Knowing we were minors in possession of alcohol (the six pack of beer), we knew right away that the long arm of the law was coming to get us! Like the good citizens we were, we followed the rules and immediately pulled over. Imagine our surprise when the 3 police cars went speeding by us, pursuing some other nefarious foe. With nervous laughter, we pulled back on the highway to continue on our way, thinking ourselves safe.

As we proceeded down the highway, we soon saw flashing blue lights up ahead. As we passed, we saw the three cop cars had pulled over the tailgater (apparently for speeding). We smiled to ourselves, and rejoicing in our good fortune, continued on our way.

Suddenly, as if appearing out of thin air, there were flashing blue lights behind us!! In addition to the three City of Taunton Police cars, there were also two Massachusetts State Police cars as well!! We again immediately pulled over. All the Police poured out of their cars and with guns drawn and pointing at our heads, yelled "Don't anyone move a muscle."

Let me assure that not one of us in the car so much as blinked. Although I cannot speak for my two friends, I was far too terrified to move! I have never had a gun pointed at me, never mind so many. One of the cops yelled, "Okay boys, lets see the gun.". Eager to comply, and to show them it was all a misunderstanding, I moved quickly to hand them the gun, never realizing how close I came to being shot. The Police did not know it was a squirt gun at that time.

Once they had the situation secured, they told me to get out of the car. As I exited, I was told "You're under arrest for assault with a deadly weapon." In a voice 9 octaves higher than normal I said, "For what, a squirt gun?" To which the Officer said "You think that's funny?" as he slammed my face into the hood of the car, bloodying my nose and fattening my lip. I can tell you in all honesty, I did not think it was funny. We were told that the driver who was tailgating told the police that I was hanging out the window, waving a gun at him. Nothing could be further from the truth. Why on Earth would he drive by us and give me a better target, if I was really hanging out the window? That is something we will never know.

I was so terrified that I nearly wet myself. I was placed in handcuffs, and shoved into the back of a patrol car where I heard those words we are all too familiar with from TV cop shows. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be used against you in court of law. If you cannot afford an  attorney...." You get the idea. Here I was, 19 years old, never in any trouble, arrested for Assault With A Deadly Weapon, and headed for jail. My friend John got arrested too, for being a Minor in possession/transportation of alcohol since it was his car. Tom was let go with no charges filed.

I am not sure why, but we were placed in a holding cell, not a jail cell. We were also never fingerprinted or photographed. We were allowed to make our one phone call. John called Tom to come bail him out. I called my mom.

This was more difficult than you can imagine. In the past, I had been known to call home and kid with my mom. I would call her and say, "I'm in jail, and this is my one phone call" whenever I was going to stay at a friend's house. It was our ongoing joke. Now, I found myself in the position of having to call my mom and convince her this wasn't a joke!! After a brief stunned silence, and a few choice words, my mother came to my rescue. We spent the entire night discussing exactly what transpired. Over and over again, my mother asked the same questions, presumably to see if I stuck to the same story.

Since I was 19 and technically an "Adult", and in between jobs at the time, a Court Appointed Lawyer was provided to me. He soon explained that if convicted for Assault With A Deadly Weapon, I was facing a one year mandatory sentence in a Massachusetts prison!!! I believe I almost fainted and I know my mother began to cry. We discussed the case and the events of that night. Although no promises were made, the Attorney did believe that we could avoid jail time based on the fact that I had never been in trouble before. There most likely would be Community Service if convicted. In my mind that was MUCH better than jail time.

Anyway, my court date came and the case was continued, as it would be 4 more times, never once was it stated that the "weapon" was a squirt gun. All the while, I remained unsure as to whether I would be attending the Prison Prom. I couldn't sleep well, nor could I eat. I lost a lot of weight and started to become depressed.

Finally, my next court date arrived and was not continued as all the previous dates were. I was finally getting my day in court. I would know my fate soon. I had to wait my turn though. I was in the midst of real criminals. There were thieves, drug dealers, prostitutes, and all manner of accused...and then there was me. A skinny, short scared white kid, who still couldn't believe this was happening.

After what seemed like hours of watching court proceedings, the Clerk of the Court called my name and announced the docket number. I stood at a podium, as the Prosecutor, Defense Attorney and the Judge discussed my case.

My heart rate was through the roof! Finally, the Judge looked at me over his horned rimed glasses. He asked me if I had ever been in trouble before. "No your Honor", I said in a much too high voice. My knees were wobbly and my mouth was very dry. After a brief pause the Judge spoke. "Let the weapon in question hereto be known a water pistol. This case is dismissed and sealed. No record will appear of this on your record. Stay out of trouble young man."

I was in shock. Did I hear correctly? Was I allowed to leave? Was I supposed to do something? I looked to my attorney and he smiled and said you are free to go. I thanked the Judge and my Attorney and nearly ran back to my mother, who had accompanied me to all my court dates. I hugged her and told her how sorry I was to put her through this. I never got in any more trouble after that!!!